In Praise of Wisecrackin' Dames

I've actually been planning to post this for a week or so, but in honor of Governor Ann Richards, here are some of my favorite real-life and cinematic Wisecrackin' Dames:

"Let me tell you, sisters, seeing dried egg on a plate in the morning is a lot dirtier than anything I've had to deal with in politics."

"They blame the low income women for ruining the country because they are staying home with their children and not going out to work. They blame the middle income women for ruining the country because they go out to work and do not stay home to take care of their children."

"I am delighted to be here with you this evening because after listening to George Bush all these years, I figured you needed to know what a real Texas accent sounds like." [1988 keynote address, Democratic National Convention]
--Ann Richards


"The first rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging."
"I believe in practicing prudence at least once every two or three years."
"During a recent panel on the numerous failures of American journalism, I proposed that almost all stories about government should begin: 'Look out! They're about to smack you around again!' "
--Molly Ivins

" I'm going crazy. I'm standing here solidly on my own two hands and going crazy."
--Catherine Hepburn as Tracy Lord from The Philadelphia Story.

And from that same movie, there's Miss Imbry, who steals every scene she's in,
Tracy: "Duluth. That must be a lovely spot. It's west of here, isn't it?"
Miss Imbry: "Yes, but we still get the breezes."

"I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that."
--Lauren Bacall

"You know Steve, you're not very hard to figure, only at times. Sometimes I know exactly what you're going to say. Most of the time. The other times... the other times, you're just a stinker."

"I'm hard to get, Steve. All you have to do is ask me."
--Lauren Bacall as "Slim" in To Have And Have Not

"I love him because he's the kind of guy who gets drunk on a glass of buttermilk, and I love the way he blushes right up over his ears. I love him because he doesn't know how to kiss, the jerk!"
--Barbara Stanwyck as Sugarpuss O'Shea from Ball of Fire. If you've never seen this movie, go rent it. It's a stitch!

"Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly."
"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."
"He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of."
--Mae West

And of course, Steel Magnolias is a treasure trove of great lines:

"Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marchin' across your face."
"When it comes to pain and suffering, she's right up there with Elizabeth Taylor."
"There's so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money."
"Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."
--Truvy

"The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God."
"I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself."
--Ouiser

"The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize."
"Ouiser, you sound almost chipper what happened today you run over a small child or something?"
"Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!"
--Clairee

So let's hear your favorite lines by wisecrackin' dames. There are too darn few of us around these days!